When Thomas Savage, 19, snatched those commemorative badges and KCPD anniversary rings, he may have sensed that he picked the wrong house to burglarize. The Northland house belongs to interim Kansas City, Mo. Police Chief David Zimmerman, who assumed the position a week ago upon the retirement of former Chief Darryl Forte.
The burglary took place on April 24. According to fox4kc.com, Savage is accused of stealing a 55-inch TV, a sound system and several pieces of jewelry worth more than $5,000. To make life easier for the KCPD, Savage left his fingerprints on the scene.
The Darwin Awards, say its creators, “salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it.” There is little chance that Savage will surpass this year’s leading contestant, a Mexican couple who stood on a truck alongside an airport runway to take a selfie, their last selfie as it turned out.
The 2016 winner may make the Darwin Hall of Fame: “Referred to as a “distracted driver,” Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants — without seatbelt — and with a porno flick screening on his mobile device. Add a wide-open sunroof on a cold winter Sunday, and you have a recipe for disaster.” Predictably, the car crashed, “ejaculating our hero through the sunroof in a spectacular climax to his life.”
Savage has not fully removed himself from the human genome. He has, however, put himself in a position where it will be difficult to propagate the species for some indefinite period of time. He has been charged with second degree burglary and stealing, and he will remain in jail until someone posts a $100,000 bond.
Savage could net as many as seven years in prison for each charge. At the time of the burglary, he was on probation for tampering with a vehicle and resisting arrest. He is also a suspect in other Northland burglaries and is scheduled to appear in Clay County court on Tuesday.